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Relationships

Is Your Own Negativity Affecting Your Friendships?

You will find a lot of information online about how to eliminate negative friendships from your life. However, what if the source of negativity is coming from you? 

It isn’t always easy to recognize when you are being negative. Some people have no idea how their negativity is impacting others. So, if your friendships have been suffering lately and you aren’t sure why, it could be down to your own mindset. 

Here, we’ll look at how your own negativity could be affecting your friendships and what you can do about it.

Are You a Negative Friend?

It isn’t always easy to identify negativity in ourselves. Many people are unaware that they are projecting negativity onto others. So, how can you identify if you are a negative friend? Here’s a few signs to look out for:

  • You find it hard keeping friends
  • You make plans knowing you’ll cancel them
  • You don’t check in first or see how your friends are doing
  • Most conversations are about you
  • Your friends don’t seek you out for for emotional support

Now, some of these signs may not be down to your own negativity. For example, you may not check in first with your friends because it used to always be you initiating contact. In that case, you wouldn’t necessarily be a negative friend.

Many people find it hard to keep friends. However, if you generally find it easy to make friends and not keep them, there may be a problem. Assess your friendships, including those from the past. Is there a pattern and could it be down to your negativity?

Life gets busy and it isn’t always easy to keep in touch with friends. However, if you literally never contact anyone first, this is a sign you are a negative friend. Remember, friendships are a two-way street. Your friends need to know you care about them too. 

Similarly, if you make plans knowing you’ll cancel them, and make all conversations about you, these are also negative friend traits. 

The Impact Negativity Has on Friendships

So, why is it important to be a more positive friend? The main one is that negativity can literally kill friendships. After all, who wants to spend time with someone who is always negative. It brings down their mood, leading them to feel more depressed or drained after they have been around you. 

Another way negativity impacts friendships, is that it is bad for the heart. Studies have shown that negative friendships affect our heart health. So, you could unintentionally be causing your friends health issues with your constant negativity. These are just some of the problems you can cause if you are a negative friend.

When you bring negativity into your friendships, you won’t have strong relationships. Healthy friendships are important for our health and wellbeing. So, if you do identify as a negative friend, now’s the time to start working on adjusting your mindset. It might not be easy; but, doing so will ensure you have much healthier and happier friendships.

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Relationships

Family Therapy 101

Big or small, we depend on our families more than we know, or care to admit. Starting from a young age, family sets the basis for who we become.

Look at it this way: families are like pieces of a puzzle. Each piece has a place to fill and a role to play, depending on their responsibilities within the family.

If one or more pieces don’t make an effort to collaborate, the puzzle will begin to break apart. When this happens, some families seek counseling through family therapy sessions.

In this post, we’ll talk about the fundamentals of family therapy 101. We’ll focus mainly on four approaches commonly used by family therapists.

Let’s get started.

What Is Family Therapy?

A branch of psychotherapy, family therapy’s main role is to help nourish healthy relationships within the family. It also teaches family members hands-on communication methods to help them get to the root of the problem.

One of the advantages of family therapy is that each family member will learn more about the other. They’ll recognize one another’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as their hopes and dreams. This way, they can cooperate and work together to rebuild their family unit.

What Is The Role Of A Family Therapist?

Family therapists are typically assigned by a licensed therapist or clinical social worker. These licensed professionals have either graduate or postgraduate degrees. Many are also accredited by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT).

A therapist’s main role is to act as a catalyst to get the conversation going. When communication improves, it becomes easier to forge stronger, more resilient connections.

Therapists will encourage family members to use certain techniques outside therapy sessions. They can also be used with friends and colleagues.

After all, how you interact with family is a reflection of how you interact with the outside world. When the former is healthy and balanced, the latter will be as well.

4 Common Family Therapy Techniques

Bowenian

Murray Bowen is the father of this family therapy technique. His comprehensive approach depends on the ability to separate feelings from thoughts.

Bowen called this technique self-differentiation. He believed that this form of therapy reduces anxiety levels within the family unit. He suggested it would be better to work with each family member individually. Then, as things progressed, they could attend the sessions together once again.

His therapy method mainly uses genograms as an essential tool. It helps sort out intergenerational family dynamics and identify underlying problems.

Strategic

Two renowned therapists, Milton Erickson and Jay Haley, are the masterminds behind this technique. They believed the best way to bring about change is to generate new responses to old behaviors. So, they devised the strategic family therapy technique based on second-order change.

Second-order change refers to the formation of new reactions to old behavioral patterns. To carry this out, most of the therapy is carried outside the session itself.

How it works is that a therapist will give the family certain tasks to do at home. In turn, family members are encouraged to experiment with different responses.

With this technique, therapists usually use paradoxical intention. This is when each person in the family increases their problematic behavior. Inevitably, certain changes are bound to take place as a result.

Structural

The structural technique recognizes that family problems arise because of an imbalance within the family structure. Developed by Salvador Minuchin, he felt that to be healthy, a family needs to set up certain boundaries.

One of the most-used tools in this technique is the structural map. In it, each family is encouraged to define its hierarchies and boundaries.

Through this technique, parents are advised to take a more dynamic role in their children’s lives. They’re encouraged to present a unified front.

They’re also advised to use triangulation. This is when one person steps in to help restore lines of communication between two family members. This person could be part of the family, a close friend, or the therapist.

Systemic

The systemic family therapy technique is also known as the Milan Model. It‘s built on the belief that family units are interconnected. 

Many times, a family member may develop certain traits to help them cope with the behavior of others in the family. This technique aims at changing that unwanted behavior in the hope of reconciling the family unit once more.

It does this by encouraging family members to question their knowledge of family dynamics. One common tool used in systemic therapy is circular questions. 

With the help of circular questions, family members learn to understand one another’s viewpoints through certain questions, like:

  • How does problem X affect you?
  • What ideas does so-and-so have about situation Y?
  • Who in the family cares the most about you?
  • What do you appreciate about Z?

Conclusion

We now have some basic understanding of family therapy 101. Family, as a larger context, is almost always the culprit behind a child’s behavioral problems.

This is where family therapy comes in. It’s a comprehensive approach that relies heavily on interpersonal and cognitive therapy.

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Relationships

Are Emotional Vampires Draining You Dry?

Is your energy constantly being drained by emotional vampires? The people around us affect how we feel and view the world. There are plenty of reasons why some people may drain your energy more than others. You could be dealing with a narcissist, or someone who complains most of the time.

If you have an emotional vampire draining you dry, it’s time to start protecting your energy. Below, you’ll discover how to recognize the signs of an emotional vampire, and the best ways to protect your energy.

Understanding The Different Types of Emotional Vampires

Emotional vampires come in a variety of forms. They include:

  • Victims
  • Narcissists
  • Constant talkers
  • Controllers
  • Drama queens

Each type of emotional vampire will leave you feeling tired and deflated after being in their company. Victim emotional vampires are the people who always play the victim, even when they are the perpetrator. Narcissists are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings, while constant talkers drain your mental energy. 

Most of us know at least one type of emotional vampire in our lives. Not sure how to identify them?

Read on to discover a few signs to be on the lookout for …..

Tell-Tale Signs You Are Dealing with An Emotional Vampire

There are several tell-tale signs that can help you decide if you’re dealing with an emotional vampire. However the main tell-tale signs to look for include:

  • After spending time with them you feel mentally exhausted.
  • You feel depressed or anxious around them.
  • You feel like they are putting you down.
  • You turn to comfort eating or drinking alcohol after being around them.

Everyone who encounters an emotional vampire will feel at least one of the things above. You basically don’t feel great when you spend time with them.

Protecting Your Energy

If you are dealing with an emotional vampire, how can you stop them from draining your energy? The good news is there are strategies you can use to deal with them. 

First, if you can, you should distance yourself from the person. Avoiding being around an emotional vampire is the best way to stop them negatively impacting you. However, this isn’t always possible. 

If you can’t distance yourself, make sure you are practicing self-care. Taking care of yourself will allow you to feel more confident to set healthy boundaries. You will naturally be more assertive and protective over your time. So, if you don’t already, set aside time every day to focus on you. Pamper yourself, take care of your own needs first, and watch how your energy and tolerance changes for negative people.

If you are really struggling to handle an emotional vampire in your life, you can also turn to therapy. Seeking help from a professional will enable you to understand why you can’t deal with the problem, as well as provide solutions that can help.

Emotional vampires are everywhere today. It isn’t always possible to get away from them immediately, but there are things you can do in the meantime to protect yourself and your energy.