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 You’ve certainly heard about your self-talk by now. That’s the non-stop flow of thoughts that goes through your mind. The vast majority of it is about yourself. It can be good or bad, and it can either build up or tear down your self-confidence and self-esteem.

Naturally, positive self-talk -that is, positive thoughts about yourself -raise your self-confidence and negative self-talk lowers it. Negative self-talk can completely destroy your self-confidence. 

If you’re trying to build your self-confidence, you’re going to need to get control of your self-talk and stop the negative thoughts that are harming you. Then you need to replace them with positive thoughts.

Here’s how to do it. 

1.) Begin noticing your self-talk

Everyone talks to themselves constantly. The majority of people don’t realize they’re doing it unless an unusual thought sticks out or they start paying attention. The first step to controlling your self-talk is to begin to notice it. Pay attention.

The importance of this step can’t be overstated. You need to notice and understand your self-talk before you can change it. The most important thing you need to notice are the negative thoughts. If you’ve been having self-confidence issues, these might be the majority of your thoughts. Perhaps you can relate to some of the following common negative thoughts:

“What were you thinking, you idiot?” “You can’t do that!” “What’s the use?” “I’ll never succeed at anything.”

Any time you put yourself down or denigrate yourself counts. This includes the use of self-deprecating humor.

2.) Start challenging the negative thoughts

The next step is to begin challenging the negative thoughts when you notice them. When you catch your self-talk being negative, stop the thought and tell yourself “That’s not true.” It doesn’t matter what the thought was or what name you were calling yourself; it’s not true.

3.) Choose a positive thought to replace the negative one

After you’ve gotten good at challenging negative thoughts, start amending them to positive ones. “I can’t do that” becomes “I can do that if I try hard enough” and so forth. Do this every time you catch yourself having a negative thought about yourself. It may be difficult, especially in the beginning, but stick with it.

If you do this consistently, the number of negative thoughts in your self-talk will gradually diminish. This takes time, but you will eventually replace them with the positive thoughts you’re using instead. You’ll slowly reprogram yourself into thinking positively about yourself, which will boost your confidence.

Nothing boosts your self-confidence quite like success. Succeeding at something gives you a massive confidence lift. The more confident you are before you do something, the more likely you are to succeed in the first place, and going on to succeed at it gives you more confidence, which can create a self-reinforcing feedback loop.

But what do you do if you’re having trouble with self-confidence in the first place? Well, the first thing you need to do is get some successes under your belt, and the best way to do that is to set yourself up to succeed.

You’re probably wondering how to do that. Start by looking at the things you’re already good at. What are your skills? What can you do well? What do you like doing that you’re good at and would like to do more often? Don’t just make this list in your head; write it down or type it out.

Don’t stop until you’ve got at least five things on the list. Preferably more. Look back over the list once you’ve finished. These should all be things you like doing, are good at, and want to do more of, remember. Which ones would be good challenges right now?

Go through the list one by one. Circle things that strike you as especially promising. Mark off anything that wouldn’t be practical at the moment, is too expensive, etc.

Now you should have a shortlist of things you’re good at doing that would make good challenges you could succeed at. They could be hobbies like woodworking, a physical activity you like doing, something you use for work, or anything else that you like and are good at.

Pick one of these items and set yourself a challenge that you know you can succeed at. If your chosen skill is running, maybe you enter your first 5k. Pick a good challenge that isn’t something you’ve done before but that is simple, and you can do. 

Don’t sign up for a full marathon if you’ve never raced before! And don’t expect to win the 5k, either -your goal should be to finish it, full stop.

Succeeding at this goal -no matter how simple it may seem -will boost your confidence. Then pick another challenge, then another one, and keep going. Leaning into your strengths in this way is the best way to succeed, and success will build your self-confidence.

Do you know many people who actually enjoy networking?

If you’re like most people, you find it awkward or uncomfortable, and if you’re an introvert, it might even feel excruciating. 

But you know that effective networking is crucial for your career, whether you’re looking for a new job, a promotion, or to build your business. If you want to advance in your career, you must have strong networking skills.

So how can you make it less stressful? Try these tips to get more out of your network, and maybe you’ll even enjoy it!

1. Do your homework

You wouldn’t dream of going to a job interview or an important meeting without preparing, would you? Treat networking events the same. Find out as much as you can about the event, who’s organizing it, and who will be there. Study the sponsor’s website and arm yourself with knowledge, so you have two or three topics of conversation to help break the ice and start connecting with other participants. 

2. Find yourself a role

If it’s appropriate, see if there’s any way you can volunteer to help out. If you have some official position, you have a ready-made pretext to connect with people. Make sure to check in with the organizers first, but maybe they could do with some extra people to staff the registration desk or set out welcome packs. Perhaps you could offer to take event photos or live Tweet. At question time, you could help pass the microphone.

3. Take a friend

Who says you have to go to networking events alone? It will feel much better if you invite a friend or colleague to share the learnings. Not only will you feel braver about connecting, but you’ll also likely look more approachable than if you’re standing alone radiating anxiety.  

4. Find the key networker

You can take the stress off yourself by looking around to find the extrovert, the natural networker who knows everyone. In any big group, there will always be one or two people who are enjoying connecting with people. Find that person and benefit from their positive networking. Follow in their wake, and you will find it much easier to join in the conversation. 

5. Turn it into a game

Try taking the heat off yourself by turning networking into a game. Before you go, make yourself a list or even a bingo card of things you want to achieve. Your networking goals can include things like connecting with two people, handing your business card to five people, connecting on LinkedIn to three people.