Author: Ally

Forgiveness – What’s Holding You Back?

Post author By Ally
Post date October 12, 2020
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The more you read and learn about the power of gratitude on both body and mind, the more amazed you will be about how much it can do for you.

Let’s take a look at how forgiveness can free us from the things that are holding us back. More importantly, let’s dive a little deeper and into the mind body connection of practicing (or not practicing) forgiveness. We’ll wrap things up with a surprising notion that you can’t afford to miss.

Holding a Grudge?

Think back on the last time you held a grudge. What did that feel like? Did you have a pit in your stomach? Did you have trouble sleeping? Were you distracted from other, more important things? What did you lose because you chose to stay angry at the other person?

Holding a grudge isn’t good for you. Not only that, but the person you’re holding the grudge against probably doesn’t even remember what they did. They are not suffering because you’re upset. You are.

You’re holding on to all that negativity and it’s solely poisoning you. And it doesn’t stop at destroying your mental health. All this anger and resentment can and will make you physically sick.

Your blood pressure goes up; your immune response goes down. You’re not sleeping well which has other health implications. And let’s not even talk about all the junk food you’re eating while in this state of stress.

Focus On Forgiveness and Gratitude

Don’t let holding a grudge make you sick. Instead, focus on forgiveness and gratitude. Take a deep breath and find it in your heart to forgive the other person. It’s not easy, but it is within your power.

Be the better person. Take the higher road. Do it for yourself because you know you will instantly feel better and it will do wonders for your mental and physical health and wellbeing.

I hinted at the fact that there’s something surprising about forgiveness earlier. I’m sure you’re eager to know what that’s about and why it’s something you need to know.

Forgiveness Isn’t For The Other Person

It’s the idea that forgiveness isn’t really about the person you are forgiving. Sure, there are times when they appreciate or even demand your forgiveness. But even so, the person benefiting the most is you. That’s right.

Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s what sets you free and allows you to pursue happiness and be fulfilled in your own life.

To recap, forgiving the other person benefits you. It improves your mental wellbeing and your physical health. It makes you sleep better at night and have a good outlook on life.

Don’t let that old grudge steal your happiness. Practice forgiveness and feel gratitude that you have it in your power to decide if you let any slight hold you back or not.

What Can We Learn From Chaos and Crisis?

Post author By Ally
Post date October 6, 2020
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I still marvel at the incredible opportunities that are hiding inside chaos and crisis, although I was unable to see that at the incredibly emotionally painful time of my separation and divorce.

The most positive things I learned was to view a crisis as an opportunity, where lessons can be learned. It is an opening for change and improvement, and to view a situation through different eyes.

As I began to pick up the pieces of my life and place them one by one into a new normal, I increasingly sensed a strong desire to use the lessons I had learned to try and help others experiencing challenges and heartache.
This led me down a completely new career path, from teaching – to gaining qualifications as a coach and counsellor. I will never forget one of my counselling clients – a special young woman I will call Amanda for privacy reasons.

Amanda taught me about resilience, pain and purpose. Let me tell you about the incredible struggles she overcame…

Amanda was referred to me by her doctor as she was struggling with depression, bulimia, suicidal thoughts and addiction. We would meet each week, and for the first couple of months, Amanda would sit cross legged on the floor in my office, cuddling one of my teddy bears, sobbing her heart out as she talked about her life.

My heart ached for her – her life had not been easy, she saw no reason to go on and her lifestyle was threatening her mental and physical health.

But….. Amanda still had the tiniest flicker of fight left in her, so we developed strategies together to fuel the tiny flame inside of her. Each week I would be overjoyed to see the triumphant small positive changes Amanda was making.

After one year, Amanda had reinvented herself! After three years, she contacted me to invite me to her graduation…. and to meet the handsome man beside her who was now her fiance.

This courageous young woman taught me about courage, and that there is always an opportunity in adversity, there is always a way through the storms in life and that we are stronger than we think. Sometimes we just need the support of others to get us through the storms.

That is why my passion is walking alongside you to empower you on your journey and find the calm in the storms of life.

What is a “storm” in life that you have overcome? What did it teach you about yourself? I’d love to hear from you- please share below.

I would love to help you if you are experiencing a ” storm in your life” or if you have weathered the storm but now needing some help to find the “real you” who may have got lost in the storm. I would love to chat, why not book a free clarity call with me now:)

Tags change, chaos, disaster, disruption, life isn't fair, resilience, stress, Upheaval

Relationships

How To Use Humour To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationship

Post author By Ally
Post date October 3, 2020
No Comments on How To Use Humour To Resolve Conflict In Your Relationship

The conflict has been brewing all day. The combatants are at crisis point, and it feels like the entire office is holding their collective breath waiting to see what happens next. At this point, they’re ready for bloodshed, or at the very least, some very strong words.

The last thing they expect is for one of the key players in the conflict to open their mouth and… make a joke?

Maybe it doesn’t feel like a resolution to the conflict, but actually, laughter goes far beyond being the clichéd ‘best medicine.’ How? First of all, laughter takes the tension out of the situation, which exactly is what’s needed to regain perspective, build stronger bonds, and yes, sometimes smooth over the differences.

How then do you effectively use humor to resolve conflicts?

1. Make sure that both parties are ‘in on the joke.’

By keeping humor wholesome – not at the expense of the other person, you’re focusing on inviting them to laugh with you, rather than laughing at them. How will you know if you’re doing it right? Humor is tricky, and so your best indicator of getting it right is to gauge the other person’s reactions. If they’re not laughing, chances are they don’t find it funny. Stop!

2. Check to make sure that you’re using humor as a defensive weapon rather than as a positive tool.

If you’re using humor to mask emotions that you’d rather not deal with right now, then it’s time to put a flag on the play. Stop immediately and ask yourself what it is that you’re not dealing with and why.

3. Work on that sense of humor.

Every good comedian knows how to read their audience. The same goes for using humor with another person, especially in a situation that’s already a conflict. Watch the nonverbal cues. What language are you using? Keep the tone positive and light, and mean it. That means don’t use jokes as a means of cruelty. Lastly, consider what you might use as an inside joke. Inside jokes not only keep the situation light but create a deeper intimacy with whom you conflict.

4. Most importantly, be Playful!

A little bit of silly fun is a good thing. Not sure how to tap into that kind of fun and crazy side? Explore humor in other ways so that you always have a repertoire to fall back on. Watch things you find funny on TV or in movies. Listen to jokes. Read the funnies. Find that side of you that likes to play and encourage it with creativity and fun.

And no matter what, cut yourself some slack. It takes practice to be funny. Keep at it, and you’ll find your natural sense of humor, and be able to tap into it when you need to. That conflict won’t know what hit it!

Tags acceptance, conflict, realtionships, sense of humour, stress

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