Step Ahead Life Coaching™

Category: Relationships

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Relationships Self Care

Tips for Building Better Boundaries

Do you struggle with setting personal boundaries?

If you want to have healthy relationships in life, boundaries are crucial. However, setting and sticking to boundaries is a skill that can be difficult for some people to master.

When you set healthy boundaries, it means you understand and know what your limits are. It helps you to improve relationships, become happier and better fulfill your needs. The question is, how can you build better boundaries if it isn’t a skill that comes easy to you? Below, you’ll discover some great tips you can follow.

Identify your limits

It will be difficult to set boundaries if you don’t know what they are. Each of us has different limits we are willing to accept. So, start by writing down your mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional limits. 

Think about what makes you feel stressed and uncomfortable. What are you willing to tolerate and what things are not OK with you? Once you have a list of your limits, you’ll have a better idea of the type of boundaries you need to set.

Say no without giving a reason

A great tip for setting better boundaries is to start saying no without providing a reason. Have you noticed that when you want to say no to something, you feel like you need to give an excuse? Often, this leads us to make up an excuse, leaving us feeling guilty afterwards for lying. 

Learning to say no without giving a reason is much healthier. You don’t owe anybody an explanation for not wanting to do or accept something. This may be a tough tip to follow, but you’ll be surprised how free you feel when you start saying no without explanation. 

Give yourself permission

The main things that set us back from creating boundaries are self-doubt, fear, and guilt. It could be that you are worried about the other person’s response. Or maybe you feel like you should be able to cope with doing certain things, so don’t feel comfortable saying no.

Give yourself permission to set boundaries. Realize that setting boundaries is healthy. Not only do boundaries contribute towards better relationships with others, but they also build up your self-worth too.

Step back from toxic relationships

Many of us have a toxic relationship of some kind. Whether it’s an unhealthy relationship with our friends or family, stepping back is one of the best ways to build up boundaries. If a relationship is no longer serving you, taking a step back is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself. It is never selfish or cruel to put yourself first in a toxic relationship. If anything, it is necessary for your happiness and wellbeing.

These are some of the best ways to build better boundaries. Once you have firm boundaries in place, your life will be much happier. You will start to feel more empowered and in control of your life. It isn’t just your right to make choices that best serve you, it is also a necessity. 

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Personal Growth Relationships

5 Signs You Have An Anger Problem

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We all get angry and lash out. Experts say it’s even healthy to vent your anger from time to time. It can also shield us from other people trying to hurt us or someone else.

The problems start when you let your anger get out of hand.

Rampant anger makes you feel like you’re losing control, almost like you’re not yourself. It’s not the best feeling in the world. It often takes its toll on your health, your relationships, as well as your career. It can even get you in trouble with the law.

If you think you’re suffering from a hidden anger problem, you’ve come to the right place. Recognition is an important part of solving any problem. Being aware of your anger issues means you’ve taken the first step towards positive change.

In this article, we’ll talk about five signs you have an anger problem. We’ll also discuss the difference between healthy and unhealthy feelings of anger. Once you see the difference, you can control your emotions, rather than the other way around.

Let’s get started!

Healthy vs Unhealthy Anger

Before we talk about different types of anger, we need to learn how to recognize your anger. You should also know what sets it off. Start by asking yourself these questions:

  • What situations/events/places/people make me angry?
  • How can I tell when I’m angry?
  • How do I react when I’m angry?
  • How does my anger affect those around me?

Healthy Anger

Healthy anger is an instinctive signal that lights up when we sense that something isn’t right. If you see someone being hurt or treated unfairly, your anger acts as a catalyst. So, you immediately start thinking of ways to help.

Dr. Robert M. Fraum, Ph.D. says, “Healthy anger is deliberate, proportional, and responsive to a clear and present need. [it’s] a powerful tool of human survival and adaptation.”

Unhealthy Anger

On the other hand, unhealthy anger hurts everyone around, instead of helping. Remember, if you experience one or more of these behaviors from time to time, it doesn’t mean you have an anger problem. The problem intensifies according to the frequency of these behaviors and their consequences.

The following are a few ways unhealthy anger can manifest itself in several ways, such as:

  • Rage
  • Resentment
  • Manipulation
  • Judgment
  • Passive aggression
  • Verbal or physical abuse

5 Signs You Have an Anger Problem

If you’re worried about whether your anger levels are unhealthy or not, keep reading. You’ll find five of the most common signs of having an anger management issue.

You Get into Arguments

We’re not talking about casual arguments you have with your partner or co-worker. We’re talking frequent, overblown rows with everyone you encounter, even strangers.

Not only that, but you feel that you have to win every single argument. Not being able to back down from an argument has nothing to do with what you’re arguing about. But it has everything to do with being more domineering and in control.

If these arguments seem to come out of nowhere and quickly spin out of control, that’s a sign your anger has turned into a problem.

You’re Passive Aggressive

People often don’t relate passive aggressiveness with anger. It’s neither loud nor violent.

Yet, it’s one of the most telling signs of anger management issues. The problem is that you may not even realize you’re being passive-aggressive. Not only that, but you may not even realize you’re angry.

One reason is that when you’re passive-aggressive, your emotions give the impression that you’re in control. For example, you avoid conflict, you’re often sarcastic, or indifferent.

You Blame Others

Blaming other people for your problems is easier than having to deal with them yourself. While you may do this unknowingly, it’s usually a sign you’re not dealing with your own, that’s also a sign of trouble.

Another sign of an anger problem is that you hold on to resentment. You stay bitter and can’t seem to forgive even over the small stuff.

Your Anger Causes Others to Fear You

If you usually react when you’re angry, this can make people start to avoid you whenever they get the chance. They become fearful of you and your over-the-top reactions when you’re mad.

You may notice that when people talk to you, they never come too close. They may also stand with their arms crossed over their chest or they have one foot turned to face the door. This is their way of expressing their fear and anxiety when they’re around you.

You Worry about Your Reactions

This is both good and bad news. The bad news is that once you’ve reached this stage, it’s more than likely that you have an anger problem.

The good news is you’re starting to acknowledge that you have a problem and you’re worried about your behavior. This is the first step to working through your anger issues and gaining control over your emotions.

A Final Note

If you notice yourself in one, or more, of these five signs, it means you have an anger problem. Admitting it is the first step.

The next step is to seek help. Remember, anger is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. But it could result in seriously damaging your life or hurting you or someone you love. The sooner you get the help you need, the sooner you’ll be able to live a healthier, more fulfilling life.

If reading this has made you aware of an anger issue and you would like to talk about it…or anything else that is holding you back, schedule a free call with me here🙂

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Relationships

5 Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationship with your Significant Other

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Looking for ways to feel connected to your partner? We asked the experts and rounded up five simple ways to improve your relationship with your significant other.

We all know how hard relationships can be. Even couples who always seem to look picture perfect go through their fair share of ups and downs.

The good news is that there are ways to fix any issue or problem you’re facing as a couple. Read the following tips to help you build a strong, romantic relationship that’s built on communication, trust, and love.

Be Supportive

Ask your partner about their day. Listen and pay attention. Showing support doesn’t only have to be only during big work projects and promotions. It’s everyday signs of caring and empathy.

Being supportive of your significant other means showing compassion and understanding.

The important thing to remember is that you have to be intentional and proactive in your actions. Making an effort is now easier than ever, thanks to technology. Why not send your significant other an emoji or a text just to check in? Even better, call them up for a few minutes to chat and see how they’re day is going. These little things help build a relationship and make your partner feel validated.

man and woman kissing near green leafed tree

Enjoy the Little Moments

A relationship is a work in progress. You need to focus more on the small moments that give your relationship meaning and value.

You don’t need big gestures like in the movies. All you need to build a strong, loving relationship is to kiss each other before heading out to work or giving each other a hug before going to bed. It’s the consistency and frequency of those little moments that really matter in the end.

Dr. Kristie Overstreet, a relationship expert and certified sex therapist, says, “A healthy relationship is one based in trust and security. [This is why] small gestures are a great way to keep these two things strong.”

Spice Things Up

Picture this: you eat the same meal every day. After a while, it becomes humdrum and unexciting. It’s the same way with your sex life. Trying new things in the bedroom will add a new dimension to your intimacy and bring you closer together.

Alternatively, spicing things up doesn’t have to only be in the bedroom. Variety is the backbone of any strong relationship.

Why not plan a dinner date or an impromptu lunch at your partner’s favorite restaurant? One fun rule to live by is the 2 x 2 x 2 rule. Go out for at least two hours every two weeks. Then, every two months, get away somewhere for the weekend. And every two years, go away for an entire week.

Feeling that each one of you is making time for the year is the root of any romance. Prioritizing time for one another means you’re not just an afterthought.

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Be Appreciative

Whether you’ve been in a relationship for six months or 10 years, relationships get comfortable after a while. While this is a good thing, it can make you take your partner’s nice acts of kindness for granted.

These acts of kindness are how your partners show their love and appreciation for you. So, it’s only natural that you return those same affections with a simple ‘thank you.’

Learn to Communicate

Work, responsibilities, money, and kids all take their toll on relationships. They’re some of the main reasons why communication between couples takes a back seat to everything else.

One way to help ease communication into your lives is to have a daily check-in session. This is where you talk with your significant other about just normal, ordinary, everyday stuff.

But, in the long run, these meaningful topics are what help deepen your intimacy and connection.

When communication lines are open between you and your partner, it helps prevent small issues from snowballing into bigger problems. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to argue over every little thing. It just means that you get into the habit of calling out issues with each other in a calm, understanding way. You can casually bring it up in one of your daily check-ins.

Over time, this can become a habit where you effectively nip things in the bud before they get out of head.

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