5 Steps to Anger Management

Anger is a powerful emotion. Learning how to manage can be difficult. Yet, not impossible.

The problem isn’t that you get angry; the problem is in the way you express your anger. While anger is a normal and natural emotion, it can be overwhelming if not dealt with correctly.

When you allow your anger to take over your life, it begins to negatively affect your life. This is a sign that it’s time to make important changes to how you handle your emotions.

If you allow anger to take over, which can be very unhealthy. You can easily hurt yourself or someone you care about.

There are certain steps you have to go through to be able to cope with your anger in a healthy and productive way. We rounded up some of these tried-and-true techniques you can try to cope with your anger. You’ve probably heard of some of them, but don’t knock any of them until you’ve tried each one several times.

Remember, the more you practice, the better you’ll get at controlling your anger. So, the next time you’re in a situation that gets your blood boiling, try these tips.

Think happy thoughts, and let’s get started.

Breathe Deeply

Breathing deeply helps you take the time to think about the situation. It gives you time to calm down rather than lashing out immediately.

Taking a few deep breaths also boosts blood flow to your brain. The more oxygen going to your brain, the more rational your thoughts and behavior will be.

Want to take it a step further? Count slowly.

You can count up to 10 as you breathe in and out. Or try starting at 100 and counting count backwards.

Take the time to think about what number comes next. This effort will shift your focus and distract you from what’s making you angry.

When you disconnect yourself from the event that’s making you flustered, you’re less likely to act out. Taking some time to moderate your anger is a healthy and smart way to manage your anger.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Start by accepting your anger. Tell yourself that it’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay to let it out on others in a destructive way.

Be true to yourself. If you feel there are any negative issues from your past holding you back, find a way to deal with them.

There are several things you can do to move past painful memories, like

  • Journaling can be very effective so write down your thoughts and feelings – no one else has to see them.
  • Find local support groups
  • Counseling or therapy
  • Practice yoga and meditation

Look Inward

Reflecting inward can help you see things from a different vantage point. Seeing things from a different viewpoint gives you clarity. As a result, you can deal with the situation in a calm, relaxed manner.

Also, take a moment to ask yourself if the person who angered you actually meant to harm you. Or was it done unintentionally?

Looking at the situation from a 3rd person viewpoint is a terrific coping mechanism. You’ll be able to reach an amicable understanding while being respectful of yourself and others.

Learn Your Triggers

We all have certain people or places that make us angry. Just thinking about them makes your temper soar.

To avoid seething with anger each time you’re with someone or in a certain situation, learn your triggers. Try to identify the people, circumstances or situations that seem to trigger your feelings of anger.

Once you’ve identified your triggers, you’ll be better equipped at handling them. For example, let’s say you always take a certain route to work, but it’s always congested and that makes you angry. Why not look for a different route and spare yourself the aggravation of wasting time in traffic?

Do Something You Love

Anger is a very intense emotion. To balance it out, you need to take up a hobby or activity you enjoy.

Creative activities like drawing, painting, or playing a musical instrument benefit your mental health. In fact, the more time you spend on creative pastimes, the less angry and stressed you’ll feel.

Other hobbies include physical activities like hiking, kickboxing, and cycling. Even taking a 10-minute in the park can uplift your mental wellbeing.

These activities can help release pent-up negative energy in a healthy and safe way. Not only that, but exercise stimulates your brain to release more feel-good hormones. So, you don’t just get better at controlling your anger, you also feel happier and more resilient.

Personal Growth Relationships

5 Signs You Have An Anger Problem

We all get angry and lash out. Experts say it’s even healthy to vent your anger from time to time. It can also shield us from other people trying to hurt us or someone else.

The problems start when you let your anger get out of hand.

Rampant anger makes you feel like you’re losing control, almost like you’re not yourself. It’s not the best feeling in the world. It often takes its toll on your health, your relationships, as well as your career. It can even get you in trouble with the law.

If you think you’re suffering from a hidden anger problem, you’ve come to the right place. Recognition is an important part of solving any problem. Being aware of your anger issues means you’ve taken the first step towards positive change.

In this article, we’ll talk about five signs you have an anger problem. We’ll also discuss the difference between healthy and unhealthy feelings of anger. Once you see the difference, you can control your emotions, rather than the other way around.

Let’s get started!

Healthy vs Unhealthy Anger

Before we talk about different types of anger, we need to learn how to recognize your anger. You should also know what sets it off. Start by asking yourself these questions:

  • What situations/events/places/people make me angry?
  • How can I tell when I’m angry?
  • How do I react when I’m angry?
  • How does my anger affect those around me?

Healthy Anger

Healthy anger is an instinctive signal that lights up when we sense that something isn’t right. If you see someone being hurt or treated unfairly, your anger acts as a catalyst. So, you immediately start thinking of ways to help.

Dr. Robert M. Fraum, Ph.D. says, “Healthy anger is deliberate, proportional, and responsive to a clear and present need. [it’s] a powerful tool of human survival and adaptation.”

Unhealthy Anger

On the other hand, unhealthy anger hurts everyone around, instead of helping. Remember, if you experience one or more of these behaviors from time to time, it doesn’t mean you have an anger problem. The problem intensifies according to the frequency of these behaviors and their consequences.

The following are a few ways unhealthy anger can manifest itself in several ways, such as:

  • Rage
  • Resentment
  • Manipulation
  • Judgment
  • Passive aggression
  • Verbal or physical abuse

5 Signs You Have an Anger Problem

If you’re worried about whether your anger levels are unhealthy or not, keep reading. You’ll find five of the most common signs of having an anger management issue.

You Get into Arguments

We’re not talking about casual arguments you have with your partner or co-worker. We’re talking frequent, overblown rows with everyone you encounter, even strangers.

Not only that, but you feel that you have to win every single argument. Not being able to back down from an argument has nothing to do with what you’re arguing about. But it has everything to do with being more domineering and in control.

If these arguments seem to come out of nowhere and quickly spin out of control, that’s a sign your anger has turned into a problem.

You’re Passive Aggressive

People often don’t relate passive aggressiveness with anger. It’s neither loud nor violent.

Yet, it’s one of the most telling signs of anger management issues. The problem is that you may not even realize you’re being passive-aggressive. Not only that, but you may not even realize you’re angry.

One reason is that when you’re passive-aggressive, your emotions give the impression that you’re in control. For example, you avoid conflict, you’re often sarcastic, or indifferent.

You Blame Others

Blaming other people for your problems is easier than having to deal with them yourself. While you may do this unknowingly, it’s usually a sign you’re not dealing with your own, that’s also a sign of trouble.

Another sign of an anger problem is that you hold on to resentment. You stay bitter and can’t seem to forgive even over the small stuff.

Your Anger Causes Others to Fear You

If you usually react when you’re angry, this can make people start to avoid you whenever they get the chance. They become fearful of you and your over-the-top reactions when you’re mad.

You may notice that when people talk to you, they never come too close. They may also stand with their arms crossed over their chest or they have one foot turned to face the door. This is their way of expressing their fear and anxiety when they’re around you.

You Worry about Your Reactions

This is both good and bad news. The bad news is that once you’ve reached this stage, it’s more than likely that you have an anger problem.

The good news is you’re starting to acknowledge that you have a problem and you’re worried about your behavior. This is the first step to working through your anger issues and gaining control over your emotions.

A Final Note

If you notice yourself in one, or more, of these five signs, it means you have an anger problem. Admitting it is the first step.

The next step is to seek help. Remember, anger is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. But it could result in seriously damaging your life or hurting you or someone you love. The sooner you get the help you need, the sooner you’ll be able to live a healthier, more fulfilling life.

If reading this has made you aware of an anger issue and you would like to talk about it…or anything else that is holding you back, schedule a free call with me here🙂

Personal Growth Relationships Self Esteem/Self Confidence

Getting Angry Can Cost You Your Job

Let’s face it. People are going to get under your skin at work. In most cases, you are not in charge of picking the people who you work with.

That means you will find plenty of incompatible people in the workplace. But blowing a gasket when someone makes you reach your boiling point could cost you your job.

You need to find ways to diffuse your anger. You will not only be the bigger person in doing so; you may even save your job. It will show your company that you can handle pressure as well, which is an important aspect of business.

man in bluee ssweater

Your parents and teachers have all told you to count to ten whenever you are angry. This is still good advice.

Also, try to walk away from the person or people who are irritating you. You have a greater chance of not saying something you will later regret.

When you are trying to compose yourself, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Perhaps there is something you did that is making them react in a hostile manner.

Playback in your head, any interactions you had with that person and see if you did something to upset them.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to cave into people. If they are in the wrong, you’ll want to put yourself in a position of strength, but do it only when you are no longer angry.

Businesses appreciate employees who can defuse altercations.

two women sitting on leather chairs in front of table

As a last resort, you may need to approach your manager regarding the behaviors of some of your coworkers. If so, present both sides of the situation as best you can. Your manager will see that you are not trying to manipulate him or her into only seeing your side of the story.

Managers should also keep anger in check. While it’s common for managers to lay into their employees, this behavior can backfire on them.

Good managers need to handle situations in a firm but fair manner, without losing control of their emotions. Otherwise, employees may seek alternative employment.

Upper management may start to notice managers who are overly aggressive with their employees and take disciplinary actions.

Find ways to blow off steam. People spend many hours each week working together. There are bound to be heated situations.

Keeping your composure, while not always easy, is going to go a long way in helping you from losing your job.